I’ve created a comfy corner in my Substack where there is no background noise and there are no clattering coffee makers – there’s still coffee though, goodness, imagine!
I have been thinking about this quite a lot since you wrote it and it is wonderful that hearing aids are so fabulous now and work so well for you. Definitely nice news!!! I well remember when I met my first mother in law, who must have only been about 60 at the time, how extremely hard of hearing she was and that was "just how it was". I think she must have had hearing aids although, to be honest, I can't visualise them now but everyone just sort of accepted that she didn't hear half of what was being said and thus repeated it, or not. The effect was that conversation was very stilted as you just didn't bother to say something if it wasn't crucially important. I do feel incredibly guilty about this now, some 6o years later, as I can see how isolating it must have been for her. I do remember thinking at the time however how very different and unfairly deaf people were treated compared to those who were blind. Blind people were not assumed to be stupid just unfortunate or unlucky whereas those who were deaf were basically assumed to be thick, to use the language of the time. I am sure things aren't always perfect now but do think there is much more understanding of the condition. What a good job Rose Ayling Ellis did with her work on "Strictly" for instance, and obviously you are a brilliant communicatoryourslef Jax so keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for that incredibly honest and insightful tale, Lyn. Oh, I do feel for your mother in law back then. At the very best hearing aids increased the sound for the user didn't they, but didn't differentiate, so I can only imagine that the lack of clarity was just, well, a louder lack of clarity. We are SO lucky to have the tech we have now, although it's not all available on the NHS which is something the RNID are trying to change. Hearing aids are often the difference between working and not, so although I absolutely understand that the NHS has to make choices, I can't help thinking this one is made without looking at the whole picture. Isn't it better to have someone in work paying taxes, than unable to work and all the other costs that entails, and that's on top of the emotional impact of not being able to hear/ work and be an active member of society.
Less progress has been made in how people treat people with hearing loss, I'm afraid. The impatience with not catching what's said in a shop or a restaurant for example, still knows no bounds. More work needs to be done here, and I do like to try to 'educate' those who look at me with utter disdain when I can't catch what's being asked... I'll just leave that one there!!!!!
I agree, Rose Ayling Ellis did wonders for awareness, really put hearing loss back on the map. And boy, can she dance!
Hehe! That made me laugh 😂 Seriously though, great that the contestant is deaf and that we get to experience people doing great things - with the help of a signer. Intense work for them. I hope they get their share of the bakes! Are there two signers alternating?
Hi! I’m so glad to have found you in here - I can so relate to ‘muffledom’ … it’s an odd place to be sometimes, isn’t it? Kind of deepens your connection with some (close talking) and alienates you from others (loose ties, spontaneous chat, especially in groups) … thank you so much for sharing your experience - it was very interesting to read 😊
Likewise, @Positively Deafened, we definitely have a lot in common and I'm looking forward to nodding away at your posts! I totally agree that deafness deepens connections - conversation is certainly better/ more meaningful when you have to listen intently and only to the person with whom you're speaking, isn't it. In fact, I do think that people with hearing loss are, somewhat ironically, 'good listeners' (!) - there's no room for mind wandering or focusing in on a different conversation is there, so that is a positive! But yes, I can't pretend that missing the spontaneous chat, the group convos, and worst of all, jokes and puns, doesn't get me down (a lot...) Safety in numbers! Thanks for connecting x
I agree about ‘good listeners’ too - eye contact, focus, no distractions, as you say … we will pay 100% attention to what the other person is saying, repeat back to check we’ve understood and clarify when necessary. If only everyone listened like that!
Thanks so much, Antonia. And GREAT to hear that you're getting on so well with the tech :) When they work, hearing aids are absolutely life changing aren't they!
Oh my goodness, yes! I can hear my son for the first time in over 10 years, I can use the phone (Bluetoothed to hearing aids) and I can hear the replies. I can hear birdsong and running water and papers turning on a book. It has deepened my life experiences and I feel so much less isolated. I was avoiding pubs and restaurants and so much more and was a despot at work with everyone having their camera on and facing forwards so I could see if they were speaking.
But in addition, I feel able to say that I have hearing difficulties and could they enunciate better and face me, which I wouldn't say before.
Oh, Antonia! That is sooo good to hear. Those first few days of hearing aids are something else, aren't they! I remember pulling my seatbelt across and then having to do it again and again - who knew that made a sound? Not me! And I couldn't cross a road because my eyes could see it was clear, but my ears were picking up distant traffic and sending messages to my brain: do not cross, do NOT cross! It was the weirdest experience. Oh and tip-toeing - I was so embarrassed I walked so loudly :D :D It's just wonderful hearing all those new sounds, isn't it. And I recognise everything you're saying about avoiding places and hearing your son. I'm so happy that they are working so well for you.
And we have to request people annunciate and look directly at us - for ourselves and for others. I'm sure people don't deliberately not do this, it's just not really part of their consciousness, and once they know, they start telling everyone else (I've also noticed!)
Being with you and experiencing what I can do to help you (and others) hear more and be truly a part of our conversations has helped me to adapt how I communicate and I know I have so much more to learn and improve upon. To date, I try very hard to slow my (inherently rapid) speech down rather than going at 100mph, absolutely face you and use lots of facial and body language.
However, as you know, I am a huge music lover and tend to live my life with music on. It's through reading this article that I learn more and can do more to adapt my behaviour, such as turn the music off!! - which is brilliant.
On that note - I've managed to impair my hearing to an extent by standing too close to the speakers/stage at so many concerts and festivals. I find this loss annoying and so have a tiny, tiny, tiny inkling of how life must be for you. I would urge like-minded people to think about how close they're standing, think about earplugs and watch 'Sound of Metal'!!
Thanks so much for that, Kate. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your efforts and they truly work - I don't think we have much trouble communicating, do we?!
Music is such a strange one. It's so weird that I can make out every instrument and pick out the harmonies, yet every lyric is twisted at the very best, more usually, a total mush - a nice mush, but a mush all the same. In music, and generally, I wish people didn't have to compromise for me. So, I urge you not to turn it off, unless we are having an intense conversation, and then we can put a timer on it!!!
GREAT advice on the dangers of live music, too.
Thanks for your efforts and the lovely comment,. Kate!
😝😆 Being able to search any and all of them on your phone is a big step forward from the play, stop, rewind, frantic scribbling down - and repeat - what you think you heard, of the 80s/90s huh?!
that film is brilliant and my daughter in law whose sister has been profoundly deaf since birth says it's super accurate too, which makes me love it and back your recommendation Kate even more :)
Can you believe I’ve never seen it? So many people have recommended it but between the recommendation and the TV, I seem to forget 😳Going to try and find it tonight. I’d love to meet your daughter-in-law’s sister (there should be a better name for that!) - does everyone in the family sign with her, Kate?
when I "lost" most of my hearing for a fortnight once during a persistent ear infection, what surprised me the most was the disconnection from people, the constant anxiety over missing something important ( I was teaching summer school at the time, yikes) and the constant feeling of being "of the world" but not quite "in the world". So much respect to you JB for bringing this issue out into the open, and yet still smiling, as always :)
It's exactly this! I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Although I do think a day at school spent not hearing others, might do wonders for those 'less than patient' adults who find other people's deafness an utter pain, huh??!?
That 'on the perimeter' feeling is really discombobulating, isn't it! I also have it in conversation. I'm picking up enough to keep up, but subconsciously hold back on contributing in case I missed someone make that exact same point a few sentences ago. It looks like you're not listening- oh the shame - when really, nobody could be listening 'harder' than you are... Still, it's brilliant for following plots in films, when you can't take your eye off the screen, when working from clues is second nature? Hercule Poirot, eat your heart out!!!
I have been thinking about this quite a lot since you wrote it and it is wonderful that hearing aids are so fabulous now and work so well for you. Definitely nice news!!! I well remember when I met my first mother in law, who must have only been about 60 at the time, how extremely hard of hearing she was and that was "just how it was". I think she must have had hearing aids although, to be honest, I can't visualise them now but everyone just sort of accepted that she didn't hear half of what was being said and thus repeated it, or not. The effect was that conversation was very stilted as you just didn't bother to say something if it wasn't crucially important. I do feel incredibly guilty about this now, some 6o years later, as I can see how isolating it must have been for her. I do remember thinking at the time however how very different and unfairly deaf people were treated compared to those who were blind. Blind people were not assumed to be stupid just unfortunate or unlucky whereas those who were deaf were basically assumed to be thick, to use the language of the time. I am sure things aren't always perfect now but do think there is much more understanding of the condition. What a good job Rose Ayling Ellis did with her work on "Strictly" for instance, and obviously you are a brilliant communicatoryourslef Jax so keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for that incredibly honest and insightful tale, Lyn. Oh, I do feel for your mother in law back then. At the very best hearing aids increased the sound for the user didn't they, but didn't differentiate, so I can only imagine that the lack of clarity was just, well, a louder lack of clarity. We are SO lucky to have the tech we have now, although it's not all available on the NHS which is something the RNID are trying to change. Hearing aids are often the difference between working and not, so although I absolutely understand that the NHS has to make choices, I can't help thinking this one is made without looking at the whole picture. Isn't it better to have someone in work paying taxes, than unable to work and all the other costs that entails, and that's on top of the emotional impact of not being able to hear/ work and be an active member of society.
Less progress has been made in how people treat people with hearing loss, I'm afraid. The impatience with not catching what's said in a shop or a restaurant for example, still knows no bounds. More work needs to be done here, and I do like to try to 'educate' those who look at me with utter disdain when I can't catch what's being asked... I'll just leave that one there!!!!!
I agree, Rose Ayling Ellis did wonders for awareness, really put hearing loss back on the map. And boy, can she dance!
I see they now have a contestant on Great British Bakeoff who is deaf and has a signer to help her and boy, can she bake!!!
Hehe! That made me laugh 😂 Seriously though, great that the contestant is deaf and that we get to experience people doing great things - with the help of a signer. Intense work for them. I hope they get their share of the bakes! Are there two signers alternating?
Hi! I’m so glad to have found you in here - I can so relate to ‘muffledom’ … it’s an odd place to be sometimes, isn’t it? Kind of deepens your connection with some (close talking) and alienates you from others (loose ties, spontaneous chat, especially in groups) … thank you so much for sharing your experience - it was very interesting to read 😊
Likewise, @Positively Deafened, we definitely have a lot in common and I'm looking forward to nodding away at your posts! I totally agree that deafness deepens connections - conversation is certainly better/ more meaningful when you have to listen intently and only to the person with whom you're speaking, isn't it. In fact, I do think that people with hearing loss are, somewhat ironically, 'good listeners' (!) - there's no room for mind wandering or focusing in on a different conversation is there, so that is a positive! But yes, I can't pretend that missing the spontaneous chat, the group convos, and worst of all, jokes and puns, doesn't get me down (a lot...) Safety in numbers! Thanks for connecting x
I agree about ‘good listeners’ too - eye contact, focus, no distractions, as you say … we will pay 100% attention to what the other person is saying, repeat back to check we’ve understood and clarify when necessary. If only everyone listened like that!
Yup!!!!!
As ever, brilliantly put Jackie. These digital hearing aids are a game changer and make my life so much easier and more enjoyable
Thanks so much, Antonia. And GREAT to hear that you're getting on so well with the tech :) When they work, hearing aids are absolutely life changing aren't they!
Oh my goodness, yes! I can hear my son for the first time in over 10 years, I can use the phone (Bluetoothed to hearing aids) and I can hear the replies. I can hear birdsong and running water and papers turning on a book. It has deepened my life experiences and I feel so much less isolated. I was avoiding pubs and restaurants and so much more and was a despot at work with everyone having their camera on and facing forwards so I could see if they were speaking.
But in addition, I feel able to say that I have hearing difficulties and could they enunciate better and face me, which I wouldn't say before.
Amazing that it is 1:6!
Oh, Antonia! That is sooo good to hear. Those first few days of hearing aids are something else, aren't they! I remember pulling my seatbelt across and then having to do it again and again - who knew that made a sound? Not me! And I couldn't cross a road because my eyes could see it was clear, but my ears were picking up distant traffic and sending messages to my brain: do not cross, do NOT cross! It was the weirdest experience. Oh and tip-toeing - I was so embarrassed I walked so loudly :D :D It's just wonderful hearing all those new sounds, isn't it. And I recognise everything you're saying about avoiding places and hearing your son. I'm so happy that they are working so well for you.
And we have to request people annunciate and look directly at us - for ourselves and for others. I'm sure people don't deliberately not do this, it's just not really part of their consciousness, and once they know, they start telling everyone else (I've also noticed!)
Happy hearing to you!
Jackie
How wonderful that you have access to these sounds now! ☺️
Being with you and experiencing what I can do to help you (and others) hear more and be truly a part of our conversations has helped me to adapt how I communicate and I know I have so much more to learn and improve upon. To date, I try very hard to slow my (inherently rapid) speech down rather than going at 100mph, absolutely face you and use lots of facial and body language.
However, as you know, I am a huge music lover and tend to live my life with music on. It's through reading this article that I learn more and can do more to adapt my behaviour, such as turn the music off!! - which is brilliant.
On that note - I've managed to impair my hearing to an extent by standing too close to the speakers/stage at so many concerts and festivals. I find this loss annoying and so have a tiny, tiny, tiny inkling of how life must be for you. I would urge like-minded people to think about how close they're standing, think about earplugs and watch 'Sound of Metal'!!
Thanks for this great article Jackie 💕
Thanks so much for that, Kate. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your efforts and they truly work - I don't think we have much trouble communicating, do we?!
Music is such a strange one. It's so weird that I can make out every instrument and pick out the harmonies, yet every lyric is twisted at the very best, more usually, a total mush - a nice mush, but a mush all the same. In music, and generally, I wish people didn't have to compromise for me. So, I urge you not to turn it off, unless we are having an intense conversation, and then we can put a timer on it!!!
GREAT advice on the dangers of live music, too.
Thanks for your efforts and the lovely comment,. Kate!
Don't worry about the lyrics - they're generally a mystery to everyone!! 🤣
😝😆 Being able to search any and all of them on your phone is a big step forward from the play, stop, rewind, frantic scribbling down - and repeat - what you think you heard, of the 80s/90s huh?!
Absolutely! We've had such a laugh over the years about what we've thought certain lyrics might be 😅
Hehe! Sometimes better than the original 🤭
that film is brilliant and my daughter in law whose sister has been profoundly deaf since birth says it's super accurate too, which makes me love it and back your recommendation Kate even more :)
Can you believe I’ve never seen it? So many people have recommended it but between the recommendation and the TV, I seem to forget 😳Going to try and find it tonight. I’d love to meet your daughter-in-law’s sister (there should be a better name for that!) - does everyone in the family sign with her, Kate?
when I "lost" most of my hearing for a fortnight once during a persistent ear infection, what surprised me the most was the disconnection from people, the constant anxiety over missing something important ( I was teaching summer school at the time, yikes) and the constant feeling of being "of the world" but not quite "in the world". So much respect to you JB for bringing this issue out into the open, and yet still smiling, as always :)
It's exactly this! I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Although I do think a day at school spent not hearing others, might do wonders for those 'less than patient' adults who find other people's deafness an utter pain, huh??!?
That 'on the perimeter' feeling is really discombobulating, isn't it! I also have it in conversation. I'm picking up enough to keep up, but subconsciously hold back on contributing in case I missed someone make that exact same point a few sentences ago. It looks like you're not listening- oh the shame - when really, nobody could be listening 'harder' than you are... Still, it's brilliant for following plots in films, when you can't take your eye off the screen, when working from clues is second nature? Hercule Poirot, eat your heart out!!!
Thanks for reading - I love your comments :)