Hehe! Thank you, and it’s true, I’m afraid 😳 It’s harder than people think to stop the conversation for everyone just for you to say pardon (for the umpteenth time) and surprisingly easy to pick up the tone of the conversation - if not very fulfilling…! Thanks for reading and commenting 🙏
That sounds incredibly difficult. Also I guess as it's something people can't see, strangest must not always know to be sensitive about it. Thanks for writing!
That's very true. And it's nobody's fault for not realising on a personal level, but I do think society could do a better job of introducing the concept when we are young, that not everybody hears as well and how incredibly isolating that is, yet there are so many simple things we can do to help: raise the face when speaking so we can see your lips; don't cover your mouth with your hands; annunciate, speak clearly but don't shout (this distorts not only the sound but also the lip shapes making it even harder to lip read ie 'hear') and the biggie: understand that nobody wants to not be able to hear, so if they can't hear, they aren't doing it because they 'aren't' listening (oh, that it were so simple!) or can't be bothered, or just want to be annoying...they generally aren't getting it. So scowling and shouting and looking incredibly pained does nothing to help the communication and everything to make them slink away hating themselves for ruining everyone else's day when they are powerless to do anything to improve the situation!!!
Not sure I'd have said it quite like that (!!!) but it's not great... however, I think it's more people just not getting it and not being particularly self-aware, ie conscious of how they are coming across...
Hang on I'm just wiping away the tears....... They are indeed beautiful friends to a beautiful Human being who never complains and down plays how very difficult your Profoundly Deaf journey has been! My new years resolution was actually to learn sign language ! However I'm a bit nervous about how hard it sound though ! But as you say it could be some key signs/ action that other people might pick up on to reign us back into the conversation! Thanks for the prompt to get doing this aswell!
Thanks for your very lovely message, Antonia. Bless you, I do have my moments of taking my bat and ball home about deafness, trust me!!! But I'm also so very lucky that my hearing aids are so good - and that I have very understanding friends and family... ;) On a positive note, yes! Pleeease learn sign language - then we can annoy everyone, sorry, chat together in the very worst of hearing environments. The link's above... ;)
Well how lovely is that Jax, what fabulous friends you have and best of luck to you all. By the way there is nothing wrong with saying you thoroughly dislike being deaf, of course you do, why wouldn't you but you should be really proud of how you live with it.
For the record I have to admit that I am your mother and I too remember very fondly our "special" trips to Newcastle as being quite magical. Don't tell anyone but I did quite like it when one of you was ill and off school and we could have a one to one day as well!!! Not that it happened very often of course.
Thanks for your loveliness as ever, Lyn/Mum!!!! I'm glad you remember the Newcastle trips as I do - although I wonder if you realised at the time why I reverted to tea. I wonder if it was one of those things you do as a child and have no clue that your parents are all over what's going on...???
That also made me smile about school, not least the 'not happening very often' - no chance of that, when your mum's a nurse/ sister/ hospice manager: can you move? Then you can go to school! Hahahaha!
I love this, Jackie. What amazing friends you have ❤️ I grew up six miles north of Newcastle, so the Fenwick’s window was a big part of my childhood. 😊
I have tinnitus and hearing loss – it’s age related and has permeated down from my mother and grandmother. At the moment it’s mild and not “bad enough” for hearing aids I’m told! I had an MRI a couple of years ago because the left side is worse, but thankfully there’s nothing untoward going on. I’m fine on a day-to-day basis but struggle in busy rooms and noisy cafes etc. There are only so many times you can ask someone to repeat what they said 😕
Totally unconnected with my own hearing, I did a Level 1 BSL course many years ago. I love language in all its forms. Now I work as an advisory teacher for children with SEND I focus on Makaton and I’m a Makaton tutor. Many of the signs are the same but you tend to only sign key words alongside speech in spoken word order to support communication. I’d love to hear about you and your friend’s progress with BSL. I strongly believe signing should be taught in school.
Oh my goodness, Lesley, we have so much in common - on top of the writing :) I have to ask, where abouts exactly? I lived in Wylam until I was 11 (seven miles west of N'castle) and went to Ovingham Middle School (near Prudhoe) for a year before we moved (best school ever!) I would laugh my little socks off if you went there??!?
And on the hearing in busy rooms and cafe - I hear you (oh, excuse the pun...) There's definitely an unwritten 'pardon' rule - after a certain amount (around three for me) I revert to smiling and nodding.I get it though, I hate interrupting the flow of the conversation just for me.
And I LOVE that you did BSL and ended up working with Makaton. That is fabulous, so impressive - and helpful. I also believe BSL should be taught in school like any other language. With google translate et al, I can't help wondering if BSL would actually be more useful than French and German for Brits, and that comes from someone who LOVES languages. There's a GCSE in it coming though isn't there, so that's a good step in the right direction :)
Thanks for reading and your fabulous comment, Lesley :)
Well there’s more! A George Stephenson connection. I grew up in West Moor, just north of Newcastle, where Stephenson lived and worked at Killingworth pit after moving from Wylam. His cottage is still there. I went to West Moor Middle school (didn’t you just love the middle school system 😊) and George Stephenson High School. He obviously featured a lot in our history lessons! My parents still live there so I’m up north a few times a year.
OH, this is mad! I'm afraid I don't know West Moor, but yes Mr G Stephenson was a big part of my childhood. It was THE short walk we did whenever anyone came to stay/ visit: down the old railway line to see George Stephenson's cottage. I looked it up fairly recently and it seemed to be a National Trust place now, but 'permanently closed' :(
This could only be better if you went to Ovingham!!! But YES, middle schools are (or, were) absolutely where it's at as far as I'm concerned. When we moved from there, I had to go 'back' to primary school for a year and well, I don't think I learnt a single thing that year. (No offence primary schools...) I went from a timetable, moving from room to room, science labs, a proper gym hall and changing rooms, and French... to one teacher and one classroom all day. I had to pretend I didn't know any French because I didn't want to be ridiculed and I hid my (what I now realise was) gorgeous italic writing behind some balloony 'o's, and so it went on. It was only saved eventually by wonderful friends and finally being forgiven for having a geordie accent. The accent was sadly lost very soon though, in a 'survival of the fittest' kind of way, and much to the distress of my children that I would ever have considered exchanging that accent for a midlands one!!! (I can still pull it out of the bag though, very easily, haha!) Do you still have your accent, Lesley? I noticed you call your mum, 'mam', so I suspect so... awwww!
My middle school was the old grammar so yes we had science lab, art room, home economics (remember that!) room and a wood and metalwork block, so I can imagine how weird it would be to go back to primary. I do still say Mam (she would never accept mum!) and path, bath etc. although my accent is not strong now I’ve lived in the south longer than I lived in the north. Teaching phonics down here was interesting 😂 who knew there was another way of saying ‘oo’ surely book, cook, soot all sound the same! But yes I too can pull it out of the bag when needed.
Brilliant! We'd be broad geordie again within ten minutes if we chatted together I reckon! And yes, I recognise the sound of that gorgeous middle school, sigh...
Hehehe! That really made me smile, Kate, I'll pass on a good word for you :) And thank you, I will definitely keep you informed - now I've really done it and gone public, there is no turning back - eek!
So inspirational! Your friends sound amazing. It's people like this that make life worthwhile no matter the challenges. Best of luck with the BSL course!
Awwww, Jenny, that's so nice of you. Thanks for your lovely comment and you are right, of course, we can get through anything with love and support - I firmly believe that, too. I'll keep you posted on the BSL!
I totally agree with all your comments and whilst I share your sentiments, what positives can be achieved with the current state of society? The current trend is that more people are suffering from hearing loss which at some point, the public bodies have to take this into account and action change!
Example being better visual and quieter communication at train stations or airports! You mentioned cafes with soun proof screens!
Being recently advised that I am one step away from cochlear implants and a Ménière sufferer but still retaining my sense of humour, I would like to think that this invisible condition is brought to the attention of the next government!!
On another note, your reference to Newcastle and Fenwicks crossed by past as my father’s family hail from North Shields and I was involved in doing some research/history on the family for the local historical society and BBC!
That was lovely. This was my fave bit "get very good at nodding effusively in the right places and offering grave shakes of the head in others."
Hehe! Thank you, and it’s true, I’m afraid 😳 It’s harder than people think to stop the conversation for everyone just for you to say pardon (for the umpteenth time) and surprisingly easy to pick up the tone of the conversation - if not very fulfilling…! Thanks for reading and commenting 🙏
That sounds incredibly difficult. Also I guess as it's something people can't see, strangest must not always know to be sensitive about it. Thanks for writing!
That's very true. And it's nobody's fault for not realising on a personal level, but I do think society could do a better job of introducing the concept when we are young, that not everybody hears as well and how incredibly isolating that is, yet there are so many simple things we can do to help: raise the face when speaking so we can see your lips; don't cover your mouth with your hands; annunciate, speak clearly but don't shout (this distorts not only the sound but also the lip shapes making it even harder to lip read ie 'hear') and the biggie: understand that nobody wants to not be able to hear, so if they can't hear, they aren't doing it because they 'aren't' listening (oh, that it were so simple!) or can't be bothered, or just want to be annoying...they generally aren't getting it. So scowling and shouting and looking incredibly pained does nothing to help the communication and everything to make them slink away hating themselves for ruining everyone else's day when they are powerless to do anything to improve the situation!!!
Sorry, you got me started!!!!!
Are people actually doing that? What fucking arseholes!
Not sure I'd have said it quite like that (!!!) but it's not great... however, I think it's more people just not getting it and not being particularly self-aware, ie conscious of how they are coming across...
Hang on I'm just wiping away the tears....... They are indeed beautiful friends to a beautiful Human being who never complains and down plays how very difficult your Profoundly Deaf journey has been! My new years resolution was actually to learn sign language ! However I'm a bit nervous about how hard it sound though ! But as you say it could be some key signs/ action that other people might pick up on to reign us back into the conversation! Thanks for the prompt to get doing this aswell!
Thanks for your very lovely message, Antonia. Bless you, I do have my moments of taking my bat and ball home about deafness, trust me!!! But I'm also so very lucky that my hearing aids are so good - and that I have very understanding friends and family... ;) On a positive note, yes! Pleeease learn sign language - then we can annoy everyone, sorry, chat together in the very worst of hearing environments. The link's above... ;)
Well how lovely is that Jax, what fabulous friends you have and best of luck to you all. By the way there is nothing wrong with saying you thoroughly dislike being deaf, of course you do, why wouldn't you but you should be really proud of how you live with it.
For the record I have to admit that I am your mother and I too remember very fondly our "special" trips to Newcastle as being quite magical. Don't tell anyone but I did quite like it when one of you was ill and off school and we could have a one to one day as well!!! Not that it happened very often of course.
Thanks for your loveliness as ever, Lyn/Mum!!!! I'm glad you remember the Newcastle trips as I do - although I wonder if you realised at the time why I reverted to tea. I wonder if it was one of those things you do as a child and have no clue that your parents are all over what's going on...???
That also made me smile about school, not least the 'not happening very often' - no chance of that, when your mum's a nurse/ sister/ hospice manager: can you move? Then you can go to school! Hahahaha!
I love this, Jackie. What amazing friends you have ❤️ I grew up six miles north of Newcastle, so the Fenwick’s window was a big part of my childhood. 😊
I have tinnitus and hearing loss – it’s age related and has permeated down from my mother and grandmother. At the moment it’s mild and not “bad enough” for hearing aids I’m told! I had an MRI a couple of years ago because the left side is worse, but thankfully there’s nothing untoward going on. I’m fine on a day-to-day basis but struggle in busy rooms and noisy cafes etc. There are only so many times you can ask someone to repeat what they said 😕
Totally unconnected with my own hearing, I did a Level 1 BSL course many years ago. I love language in all its forms. Now I work as an advisory teacher for children with SEND I focus on Makaton and I’m a Makaton tutor. Many of the signs are the same but you tend to only sign key words alongside speech in spoken word order to support communication. I’d love to hear about you and your friend’s progress with BSL. I strongly believe signing should be taught in school.
Oh my goodness, Lesley, we have so much in common - on top of the writing :) I have to ask, where abouts exactly? I lived in Wylam until I was 11 (seven miles west of N'castle) and went to Ovingham Middle School (near Prudhoe) for a year before we moved (best school ever!) I would laugh my little socks off if you went there??!?
And on the hearing in busy rooms and cafe - I hear you (oh, excuse the pun...) There's definitely an unwritten 'pardon' rule - after a certain amount (around three for me) I revert to smiling and nodding.I get it though, I hate interrupting the flow of the conversation just for me.
And I LOVE that you did BSL and ended up working with Makaton. That is fabulous, so impressive - and helpful. I also believe BSL should be taught in school like any other language. With google translate et al, I can't help wondering if BSL would actually be more useful than French and German for Brits, and that comes from someone who LOVES languages. There's a GCSE in it coming though isn't there, so that's a good step in the right direction :)
Thanks for reading and your fabulous comment, Lesley :)
Well there’s more! A George Stephenson connection. I grew up in West Moor, just north of Newcastle, where Stephenson lived and worked at Killingworth pit after moving from Wylam. His cottage is still there. I went to West Moor Middle school (didn’t you just love the middle school system 😊) and George Stephenson High School. He obviously featured a lot in our history lessons! My parents still live there so I’m up north a few times a year.
OH, this is mad! I'm afraid I don't know West Moor, but yes Mr G Stephenson was a big part of my childhood. It was THE short walk we did whenever anyone came to stay/ visit: down the old railway line to see George Stephenson's cottage. I looked it up fairly recently and it seemed to be a National Trust place now, but 'permanently closed' :(
This could only be better if you went to Ovingham!!! But YES, middle schools are (or, were) absolutely where it's at as far as I'm concerned. When we moved from there, I had to go 'back' to primary school for a year and well, I don't think I learnt a single thing that year. (No offence primary schools...) I went from a timetable, moving from room to room, science labs, a proper gym hall and changing rooms, and French... to one teacher and one classroom all day. I had to pretend I didn't know any French because I didn't want to be ridiculed and I hid my (what I now realise was) gorgeous italic writing behind some balloony 'o's, and so it went on. It was only saved eventually by wonderful friends and finally being forgiven for having a geordie accent. The accent was sadly lost very soon though, in a 'survival of the fittest' kind of way, and much to the distress of my children that I would ever have considered exchanging that accent for a midlands one!!! (I can still pull it out of the bag though, very easily, haha!) Do you still have your accent, Lesley? I noticed you call your mum, 'mam', so I suspect so... awwww!
My middle school was the old grammar so yes we had science lab, art room, home economics (remember that!) room and a wood and metalwork block, so I can imagine how weird it would be to go back to primary. I do still say Mam (she would never accept mum!) and path, bath etc. although my accent is not strong now I’ve lived in the south longer than I lived in the north. Teaching phonics down here was interesting 😂 who knew there was another way of saying ‘oo’ surely book, cook, soot all sound the same! But yes I too can pull it out of the bag when needed.
Brilliant! We'd be broad geordie again within ten minutes if we chatted together I reckon! And yes, I recognise the sound of that gorgeous middle school, sigh...
If those friends need any more friends, please give them my name, they sound truly wonderful.
And we're going to hold you to those updates, I know we're all crossing our collective fingers for you:)
Hehehe! That really made me smile, Kate, I'll pass on a good word for you :) And thank you, I will definitely keep you informed - now I've really done it and gone public, there is no turning back - eek!
So inspirational! Your friends sound amazing. It's people like this that make life worthwhile no matter the challenges. Best of luck with the BSL course!
Awwww, Jenny, that's so nice of you. Thanks for your lovely comment and you are right, of course, we can get through anything with love and support - I firmly believe that, too. I'll keep you posted on the BSL!
I totally agree with all your comments and whilst I share your sentiments, what positives can be achieved with the current state of society? The current trend is that more people are suffering from hearing loss which at some point, the public bodies have to take this into account and action change!
Example being better visual and quieter communication at train stations or airports! You mentioned cafes with soun proof screens!
Being recently advised that I am one step away from cochlear implants and a Ménière sufferer but still retaining my sense of humour, I would like to think that this invisible condition is brought to the attention of the next government!!
On another note, your reference to Newcastle and Fenwicks crossed by past as my father’s family hail from North Shields and I was involved in doing some research/history on the family for the local historical society and BBC!
Lovely to hear from you Jackie.
Andy /Lipreading